Liam OP3 notes

Overview of my notes - I Love this project and I feel it has great potential to be VERY beneficial to the field - especial within Gaia U .  I feel that the core report missed the frame-of-reference of “How to create your own course and curriculum” its there, but it would take me some real work to translate/apply it to one of my own projects. Its changing from the “what you did” to the “How” Some attention needed in formatting and proof reading 

Notes for reviewer 3.1.1

I would shorten the explanation of Gaia U as who ever is reviewing knows about Gaia U. - Maybe you could put it in the core report.  The next paragraph I would simplify by explaining what is included in the word-count and then a brief description of what is in the other sections (not included in the word count). Again I see more explanation of Gaia U (Un/learning) you could put Gaia U terminology in a bullet list in the beginning of the core-report.  As a reviewer the most important part of this section for me is “orientation”, what I should read and how long it is and navigation.

A specification is nice to have on this page. A brief review of the main points, un/learnigns and outcomes of the project. (found it on the next page)

Audience - public/mass Consumption - could be simplified - Public access, I don’t like to think of it as being a consumer (personally).. (I don’t think you actually need this section)  :)

I would simplify your table of contents, making it easy to look at (no dashes on bullet points, cut out things that are not essential) and maybe use a larger size text to make it more visible. Consistency is really important to usability; I would get rid of the “two deep” (subsections -because it is only in a few sections) and make everything one deep (putting it all in bullet points), for example get rid of learnings and just leave the subsections, get rid of Reflection and add it to the end of the subsections Project reflection etc.. -  Putting a space above and below the section heading - this allows you  to see it easier - Use terminology anyone can understand - (not 5Ps, MTMP) for example.

I know this might seem like a lot of input on the table of contents but I think the table of contents is actually a really important usability feature, and it is a first impression to the reviewer. If it looks complex and confusing it makes me feel over whelmed. 

3.1.2 

Because you didn’t tell me what was in the word count I was feeling a bit confused as to what it was I needed to read.

The layout of this page is a bit confusing, because we typically read left to right and the left column is small - I (personally) would like to read the abstract first - I would switch the wide column to be on the left and the narrow on the right. I am seeing consistently extra spaces after periods this is probably a cut and paste formatting issue (I would fix this). Again I would be consistent, you use the numbered bullets in OP goals but used just numbers in incorporation of feedback (which doesn’t indent or have the period after the numbers). Formatting may seem trivial but it affects everything for the reader.

Life context - To me this section would be real Patterns level - big picture - more on Your career as a caterer (how it relates) and the desire to start a company that provides this product and why you want to do that. 

I would get rid of the double heading of OP Methodology - just have OP Goals Articulation and OP Management - I know they are supposed to be subheadings but because of the same formatting of the title font it is confusing for me, it looks like a text block is missing below methodology. 

 LIPD OP3 - I would put spaces after new paragraph. … I suggest to rewrite the abstract - this should be an overview of the OP; the main points, unlearning and outcomes - It is like a condensed version of the OP. That is why it should be written after you finish the OP - You could take the OP Outcomes bullet section and rewrite it as the abstract. 

OP Management end of first paragraph a sentence (I have renegotiated..) is hanging down.

I would put your OP Structure Guidelines map in the Supporting evidence - It seems basically like the table of contents. Even looking at it in full page it is too complex to be useful for me… If this page is in the word count, I would not put anything on here that is distracting from the core report - simplicity and clarity are going to be the best material leading up to the core report.

Core report 3.2.1

I feel you are sticking to much to a template - Liam I do it too :)  I want to be spoken to like a person. The first section of the core report needs to pull me in. Who What When Where Why - I want an intro that is going to captivate me and get me interested in reading this - You don’t need to prove to me you did anything - I don’t care about that I care about what you discovered about chocolate! :) I know this might feel like some harsh feedback (its not personal as you know) 

Goal articulation - Again I am human - bullet points are nice for short things I need to see quickly but ARTICULATE your goals to me as you are speaking to me… it should captivate my attention - especially in the first few seconds of the report. 

Again I would switch the right and left columns, dragon dreaming first and field and interventions after… 

The interesting thing about this OP to me is the process of creating curriculum and your own course. I would emphasize this point - I feel this is likely the biggest potential benefit to the field of EcoScoial Design and Gaia U of this project. 

These would be some of the questions I would be answering: 

- What did you learn about creating your own curriculum? 
- What tips would you give someone else who wants to create their own course?
- What would/could you have done differently to make your course/curriculum better? 
- What worked well and what didn’t?

No Conclusion? This is essential - wrap it up. Tell me again what you told me in concentrated form

I would have loved to see some mixed media in the core report. Video of people tasting and talking about the chocolates.. (maybe too late for that) even just a couple photos of the the chocolates. I also think you could point the people to your annotated resources from within the core report - telling them where they can see: chocolate resources, your website also any tools you referenced to help you create your course. Its nice to have it in the text - example - “for more info on this check out the annotated resources here - link”

Commentary 3.1.3 - Again I am unsure what is included in the word count.

Behind the Scenes - Why I chose this project

“My prime motivation for choosing this as an OP was to practice awareness of consciously creating curricula for my own self study.”

This sentence above tells me this should be your Frame-of-reference for your OP - Using the example of your chocolate course to show others how they can create such a course for themselves… I know this could mean a major rewrite but it is my opinion. From reading your OP I don’t feel like I was given tools that I can just implement to create my own course. 

You spell it out in replicability -   “I hope I have laid out my design methodology clearly enough to assist people in designing a curriculum to suit their needs.” I think if you read through it again (with this lens) you will see you can simplify it showing a process others can follow. Focus on the hows - not just “what” you did

“What would I do differently next time? I may have typed out an actual curriculum to follow and PRINT it to mark how classes were different than my imagination.” 

- I would try to do this anyway from your memory and notes. 

THIS (below) is the kind of info I think should be in your core report instead of being burried…

“I did write a few articles (links?) which entailed some reflection and conceptualizing tempering was useful for me.  This gave me the overwhelming sense of Just do It.   

I found it extremely helpful to read the tempering process and then do it, then read it again, then do it. . . .This greatly enhanced my nuanced level of refinement that otherwise could have been considered “I know” through reading/conceptualizing once but it’s not in my bones.”

Also your Key Un/Learnings section - This is the meat and potatoes to me - I could see this info being drawn out into paragraph form writing (instead of bullet list) in the core report.

I know I am being harsh, but I feel you over looked the frame of reference of helping others to create their own curriculum… and I for one would have been happy to get that info to help me create and structure my own courses.

I don’t think you need the 3.3.2 Extras Supporting evidence page - Simplify

Reading through your journals I see how you tried so many varieties of heating tempering etc. This is a key point in creating your course which I would have liked to see as a major point in the core report. You mention it but explaining the importance of this to create a course - allowing you to learn through doing seems a key point to me - Exploring the variables as a means to comprehension

The supporting evidence is so rich in this OP it could be made into a book or ebook! I would make multiple references in the core report to sections of the Supporting evidence to make the connection and give us example of the experiences you had creating your course and the outcomes. 

I hope this is not over whelming :) You put A LOT into this project and yet I feel the benefits to the field are somewhat inaccessible from the core report. 

I hope there is something in my review that can help you improve this OP! 

Looking forward to connect again, Simha