Associate Name: Liam McDermott
Main Advisor and OP Reviewer: Jennifer Dauksha-English

Output Packet #:  3		Year: Capstone MSc
Date Submitted: June 30th, 2015
Date Reviewed: July 10th, 2015
Mark: 75
Grade: B
Time Spent on Review: 3.75 hrs

Liam,

I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to read your Output Packet. Thanks for all of your work on both self and planetary levels.

My review is broken into these sections:
1. Evaluation Form (attached)
2. Comments Per Section

Required next step: 
- Self Evaluation needs to be redone. The marks you gave yourself do not equate. Use the drop down menu. You can not give 4’s where it says 3.95. Its important that you fix this and repost. Also, A’s are generally not provided, so even if you give yourself that high mark, I tend to create space that everyone can improve. 

Recommended next step:
- Next OP be sure to compare and contrast different design models you used (commentary) and bring in more external referencing into the field assessment.

I respect your integrity in managing your pathway. I'm glad to be your advisor!

Cheers,
Jennifer

OP REVIEW-------------------------

1. EVALUATION FORM-------------------- 

2. COMMENTS PER SECTION---------------

Initial Commentary
Page 1
- Great opening context - relevant to external reviewer.
- I love this explanation of the opportunities surrounding an OP! This could go on our website.
- The summary of content provides a succinct overview of the intent of each section.
- Useful navigational pointers provided.
- Nice definition of un/learning!
- Liking the note on target audience.
Page 2
- I like how this OP diverges from skills and information to a product, and even more - I like that you sent some product to me!
- Medicinal chocolate - I’m excited to learn more.
- I’m not sure how this summary connects back to your LIPD. Did you propose this specific outcome in your LIPD? Are you on track with your goals and intentions?
- I like the curriculum aspect of this project. I don’t understand what you’re going to use it for yet though.
- OGaSADIE - nice overview of steps taken. What’s missing for me is an overview of this design methodology in comparison to others you’ve used. Please highlight how you’re growing as a designer. You even mention that I brought this up in previous feedback, yet still I don’t see you addressing it. This is a necessity for all your remaining OPs. I like the section you add on design process patterns, such as its iterative nature.  You basically explain a bit about repetition and routine and the opportunities for balancing structure with improvisation. This is all good reflection. I need more cross referencing and comparative assessment though. 
- Also, what are the goals of the OP as a project in and of itself?
- Overall good tracking and incorporation of feedback.
- On OP Mgmt - you’re basically saying that you’re on track with timing? Did you have to do any renegotiations? I’m glad your process was joyful.
- Nice life context bit, however you didn’t answer why this is important to you over time.
- Ok now I see you just had one goal - but that seems much more like a project goal than an OP goal. Remember you need pathway, project and OP goals.
- Nice map showing that you’re tracking OP requirements.

Core Report
Page 1
- This abstract works well at synthesizing your work.
- In your WWW section you do not answer where.
- Lots of grammatical errors in the goals section.
- Nice numerical values placed on goal - such as create 7 cordials.
- You say report on drunken botanist - what does that mean?
- The section on interventions could go a bit deeper in relation to the key gaps or changes being tracked.
- Chocolate picture makes my mouth water.
- Love the section on defining and contributing to the field. I think you could go a bit deeper in saying some examples of other people working on this in the field - or at least provide some statistics.
- Nice note on contributions to the field. Is there any world view that exists around chocolate? Anything that needs dismantling?
- What principles are you applying in context to Permaculture?
- Yum on being a recipient of your chocolate project!
- Fantastic explanation of Dragon Dreaming. I’m glad that you went into detail on your specific use of this model.
Page 2
- This page is awesome! I love the focus on applicability to others. 
- Great context with the 5P’s! Because this is the core report though, I think it’d make more sense to share how each of these are relevant for the reader, not for you. The you should be in commentary. Agree?
- Wow on what you created - cool!

Final Commentary
- I would agree that you are a voracious learner!
- Nice snapshot of Permaculture in practice.
- Ah - ok - here’s your LIPD reflection.
- I appreciate how you added some reflections on allies and MTMP. What tools did you use? Be sure in the future that you harvest the methods and resources utilized.
- I’m still unclear as to why you’re using the phrase curriculum.
- As a project manager, what did you manage? What you share here provides little insight on project management.
- I didn’t imagine chocolate gave cavities. Lol - oops.
- I’m still unsure on medicinal chocolate - you don’t give much practical information on this topic.
- Great accountability metrics!
- Nice skill overview.

Supporting Evidence
- You have the requirements met with Digiphon, resource review and peer support summary. I’d like to see future resource lists maybe double in size.
- The overview within the curriculum is very valuable for other hopeful chocolate enthusiasts.
- Journal entries - check!
- Glossary very helpful:)
- Nice pics of chocolate making process.
- I’m glad you included this section on superfood - I wanted to know more about medicinal qualities. Thanks!
- Lovely video. Mhmm I want some chocolate!
- Great articles in this support section!
- Love the focus on best practices!