Associate Name: Sonita Mbah
Main Advisor and OP Reviewer: Ariane Burgess
Output Packet #: 2	  Year: MSc Pre-Capstone
Date Submitted: 1 February 2016
Date Reviewed: 12 April 2016
Mark: 72
Time Spent on Review: 5.5 hrs

Dear Sonita, 

Thank you so much for your work in the world - reflected in this OP. I feel privileged to be your Main Advisor and have the opportunity to read your reflections on what and how you’ve been action-learning. 

GEN-Africa, Better World and Gaia U are so fortunate to have you as a collaborator!

love 
Ariane

My review comes in two parts
1. ProEvaluation - the PoDAPO form - this is my reflection on the 25 skill flexes specific to your Gaia U Pathway - I upload this to the first page of your OP along with this file. 
2. ProFeedback - I provide comments for each tab/page of your OP. I don’t comment on everything as there simply isn’t time, I comment on anything that stands out. I start my comments with an overall highlight and edge. 
3. Action Learning Checklist: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1X8pQiCuw-V3SJ_oLE7hns4B_Km5xGZT3fQ4Cqa0R_kI/edit#gid=992520200
This checklist shows you the requirements for each of your OPs. Green means your requirement was met, orange that something needs to be changed and red that I haven’t reviewed the OP yet or we haven’t come to that point in your Action Learning Cycle. 

Required next steps: 
This are actions I want you to take in the next two weeks. 
Read: …and absorb the feedback and suggestions in the ProReview and ProEvaluation. Unless I say otherwise you do not need to make any direct changes in this OP. This is an iteration, you can adopt the feedback to make the next OP even better. 
Read: A Sense of Style by Steven Pinker - start reading it - if you can get a copy of it.  It will help you with your written English. Or at least look it up on line so you can see what it is about. There are videos on Youtube with Stephen Pinker - so you could also watch some when you have a good internet connection. I know this is adding quite a bit to your existing work - however strengthening your written English is part of the foundation your are building for your future. 
Upload: The learning journal excerpts you were unable to upload previously - they are a requirement. 
For the next OP: Include your LIPD design so it’s easier for you and anyone looking at your work to see what you set out to do and if you are on track. 

PreCapstone OP2 - Self Development and Collective Consciousness

Review Introduction (this intro is followed by comments on each tab in the OP)

I tried to develop a quick way to refer to some of your text. In some cases I’ve copied the text from your OP page into this file and then put comments below or in square brackets [  ]. If I refer to a piece of text in your OP you can easily find it in context by using the Find function in your browser an copying some or all of the text into that box - then the browser will highlight were the words are. 

Highlight

Tremendous project accomplishments - GEN-Africa secretary, EDE, Sekem training and of course your Blog. Having a blog where you are writing regularly is challenging. It’s great that you undertook that learning and now have that experience to build on. 

Also your work to regain your ability to use your language Bafut. 

Your sentance structure has improved immensely - there are still edges - which I mention below. 

Edge
Use of Patrix and patrix distresses - It’s not clear to me by the way you are using Patrix if you fully understand it, or if you do that someone reading your OP would understand what you mean. 

A gentle edge - as English is not your first language - 
Look out for tenses, spelling and using extra words that don’t add anything more to convey what you mean.
___________________________
Comments per OP page

OP2 - Abstract and Specification
TABLE OF CONTENTS 
This is a very helpful table of contents - please keep doing them like this for future OPs. 

One page is miss numbered - Page 4: OP2 - Supporting Evidence -isn’t it Page 5?

Feedback from Previous OPs
Good note of what the feedback you’re working with. Ask your Peer Reviewer to pay particular attention to typos and sentence structure etc. It is also possible to use your Skillflex Advising time for assistance with editing/structure etc. 

Digiphon
Good digiphon - going forward consider making a simple bullet list of the things you have already mentioned in this OP and add any new tools you use. If you add a new tool you might want to say a sentence about it if it’s particularly useful. On the whole, keep it at a glance and bear in mind that the reason for sharing the information is for others reading the OP to perhaps pick up some ideas of online tools they might try using. 

What are you using to back up your data? What project management tools are you using to keep you on track - a Google Calendar? A spreadsheet?

Thank you for the word count. 

A Note to the Reviewer
The note is intended to help people navigate your OP. In this case I was a bit confused. I’ve pasted the sentences that confused me below followed by a comment: 

You can also use the Table of Contents to navigate through this OP from this very first page. 
Or use the tabs at the top. 

Most of the content of each page is conveyed in the page title or outlined in the Tables of Content. 
I am not clear what you want to convey here. 

Generally, the stories/ideas are narrated from left to right. 
Do I read all the way down the column on the left before moving across the page? Or do I move across the page left to right as I move down? As we use Mahara we are used to it - however you may have someone who doesn’t know Mahara reading your OP and they need to know how to approach the content so they can follow your intended flow. Confusing people means they have to work harder to engage with your content. 

Abstract of Core Report

The greatest positive changes as well as negative changes in the world started from the 'I'. 
Is it your intention to put this into the past tense?

As we move into that awareness of reducing our negative footprints, there is a call to realise that the 'I' plays a very important role in making that shift. 
the awareness

To solve the problems of today and tomorrow we need to transform ourselves and the world around us. 

But to do that on the global scale that is required for humanity to survive and thrive into the future, we must first transform the systems that shape and mold us. 
But is not needed. 

The fields of permaculture and regenerative design are leading the way in embracing a new paradigm in education, and we are called to start shifting from within. 
If I didn’t know about permaculture and regenerative design, it’s not clear to me how the fields of permaculture and regenerative design are connected to the call to shift from within. 

A lot of structures (education, management) have been put in place to make this happen, but there is much work left to be done. 

In the Core Report we will look at several shades of self development, context and processes involved in transforming oneself and how that all wires up into the creation of a moral person, who is seen and appreciated for the work they do by just communicating it in the right way. 
I am not sure what you want to convey here - especially the part from who is seen… 

We will also be looking at communication as an art and how to make use of available resources to market ourselves. 
Consider: We will also look at communication as an art and how to make use of available resources to market ourselves. 

The question to be answered is how do we move from the I to WE to World consciousness? 

This OP is exploring the connection between our individual selves, the community in which we leave/work and asserting an EcoSocial design perspective that allows us to operate from the I, while effecting change in the wider community.

leave - live
Consider: This OP I explore the connection between our individual selves and the community where we live and work. I am particularly interested in an EcoSocial design perspective that encourages us to act from the I, while effecting change in the wider community

OP Design Methodology
It’s great that you have chosen the I, We, World pattern and are re-using it in this OP. 
Good clear goals - I am curious to read the rest of the OP to find out how you did in meeting your goals.  
- To advance my understanding of the 'I' and able to make efficient use of it.
and be able

OP Layout
Good to see that you are actively using Mind Mapping. 

OP2 - Project Pathway
Life Update
What great news - it is as you say very much in line with your dream and vision. 
In July 2015, insurgencies had started happening with the GEN-Africa office in South Africa which was later on closed down
Consider: In July 2015 insurgencies started in the GEN-Africa office in South Africa, which was later closed. 
I wonder about the word insurgencies. It is a strong word probably more associated with a military uprising. Unless that is what you meant. 

Project Integration
This looks like a very good combination to integrate. I’m glad you are conscious of the need for a what I call a personal regenerative practice - mediation, listening to intuition - whatever you need to do daily or regularly to keep yourself healthy and in balance. 

I researched about the cultural values, hazards and depletion of the Bafut culture.
don’t need about - it is implied in researched

Pathway Tracking

All tasks outlined for Project ME has been
have not has

Personal and Peer
It’s  good to see you so fully engaged in the Gaia U community and also that you have developed a friendship. It’s also lovely to see that you have adopted Findhorn community practices. 
That’s a good set of three next steps to up your level of engagement - I see that you are actively tweaking your ME design. 

Gaia U peer mentorship program and been a peer mentor
and being…

Professional, Political & Patrix 
It’s great that you are becoming more strategic and more organised, I trust that also means that you have some more time to regularly relax!

It is great that you have the regular blog and other activities that pull you to deepen your skills. 
Great to see the tweaks in this area - especially with NVC. 

Radar Skillflex map
The map is hard to see - is it possible to upload it in a way that the reviewer can click on it so it enlarges?

Managing Time and Promises
I’m sorry that you were unwell. And glad that you regained health to be able to submit this OP. 
It’s good to hear that you have local support for managing your time and promises and editing your blog. 

It’s good that you are choosing to be more proactive in managing your pathway through asking questions. What else could you do to ensure that you stay on track with the timeline OP submission contribution you committed to?

Skillflex assessment
This is a lovely clear list of skill flexes and your self-assessment of your development. It feel so heartened to see how you are getting clearer about where you put your focus and working on a long range plan for the next 3 years. 

reoccurring
I wonder if you mean reoccurring or recurring - http://grammarist.com/usage/recur-reoccur/

Introduction

OP2 - Core Report
Introduction
Good introduction - laying out what I am going to learn about your pathway. 
I like your call to action to share the tools. 
English - I’ve put suggestions inside [ ]

Project ME is mainly about my self development. Like the 4 dimensions of sustainability (Social, Spiritual, Ecological and Economy), this OP [in this OP I …] looked at shaping my life in these different dimensions to maintain a balance. The [My] hope is that in reading this OP, you should [are] [be -remove] inspired by some of the design tools used to make the transformation for yourself. If you are already self transformed, then I encourage you to share the tools with others in your network and continue to build on them until they become real [really?] mind changing for all.
One of the [my] achievements has been the development of a personal/professional blog, which I now use to showcase my vision, projects and goals for my pathway. An [and?] even greater, is the addition of a collective consciousness [link is broken] arm to this project. In the course of developing the blog, I experienced some strategic developments in myself, my skill-sets and my consciousness. Some of which, stem from my extensive travel experience, and has in a bid  contributed to the realisation of this OP [meaning unclear - not sure of the use of bid - did you intend a different word here?]. Most of the tasks set out in my LIPD for OP2 are completed [complete] and I look forward to continue building on new skills gained, opportunities and projects. I consider this OP the foundation of my pathway as it will lead to the development and branding of every other thing I do.
In this report, we will explore the context of self development from different perspectives. We will also look at how self development is interlinked with collective consciousness, forming an Ecosocial perspective. The different processes and purposes of creating a blog and skills gained. [this is not a complete sentence - it needs a verb. It could work if you made it one sentence …perspective, and the different… however it would be a long sentence.] We will look at present and future opportunities that have arose [either remove have or change arose to arisen] from the different strings of my self transformation and how I intend to build on them. I invite you to stay open to the insignificant but important details of some of the tools used, especially those involved in learning my local language.

Background and Context
Great understanding of the necessity to build strong foundations and the basic expressions of a maturing consciousness. 

I like the quotes from Ken Wilber and Lynne Twist. 

Time line for follow up
Great visual to quickly see your action-learning plan. 

Learnings and EcoSocial Perspective
Blogging and learnings
Good to see making a list of blog titles was helpful to keep you motivated to write blogs. Yes, writing offline is a good plan and then you can upload when you’re ready. 

Self development and collective consciousness (EcoSocial)
Well put. 

Purpose and Process
That’s great that you worked with the practice of get is done, then get it good. 
and not border about on the looks of it.
Consider: without being bothered about the look of it. 

Outcomes and Interventions 
Outcomes to the Field
Spell out SGD someone reading may not know what it refers to. From your perspective why were the Social Innovation and The Economy of Love posts timely in relation to the SGD?

Great that you are getting feedback through your blogging. 

Personal and Professional Outcomes
What a life and skill-enhancing group of outcomes. 
I’m glad you are feeling supported and heard. 

OP2 - Reflection and Commentary
Conclusion

Output Process Reflection
Great observation - each OP gets easier.
Yes somehow it can be easy to forget that time for Gaia U OP work is passing by while life happens. It’s very good that you made the strong effort to get the OP in on the February OP Bus. An good that you found a way of celebrating small steps. 

Un/learning Commentary
This could be more specific to your experience of un/learning rather than on the OP process - unless you intend this section to be more about the OP. 

I would like to hear what you un/learned in relation to the goals you outlined on page 1:
- To advance my understanding of the 'I' and able to make efficient use of it.
- To improve my understanding of collective consciousness and how to weave the social, spiritual, ecology and economic threads to form a self reliant being or system.
- To advance my knowledge on active documentation and acquire communication skills that address 21 century needs. 

Journal Reflection 
OK - good to know that you have been making journal entries and have been able to repurpose some of them.

OP2 - Supporting Evidence
GEN Africa members, meeting in Sekem
Lovely photo of you, Kosha and the rest of GEN-Africa. 

Annotated Resources
Consider separating the topics with a title - so everything about your blog learning could go under Blog and everything about the collective consciousness could go under that title. Organising your resources in this way makes them more accessible for people to find what they are looking for. 

Participation Record
Good to see. You will need to upload the text file records of our MA sessions to the portfolio I emailed to you as only you and I can access the Google Doc. 

Comments on Blog Posts

Reviews
Self Review
You have given yourself clear feedback - you have indicated where you think your places for growth are. It will be useful to see where both of our reviews intersect. 

I notice that you have written text in different boxes - however the mark is still at 3.45. Did you mean to change the mark? If so you would probably have a different overall mark. If this is what you intended and you make those changed please let me know as I have to put the mark you gave yourself in the Gaia U database. 

Peer Review
Your Peer Review is thoughtful, constructive and encouraging. 
Did you find out if Virginia adopted any of your feedback? If she did - what was it and how did it impact her learning pathway. 
Typo: Liverage - leverage point