Reflections & Un/learnings

My wife is currently 10 weeks pregnant with our first child. We just had a sonogram the other day where we could see the fetus and hear its heart beating. It was a truly profound experience for both of us. Being a father is something that I have been looking forward to my entire life, albeit with some natural trepidation at the thought. I am ready for this? Is anybody ever ready for this? 

This particular un/learning centers around the idea that in today's modern society children are often seen as a threat to their parents' dreams - something that comes along and forces them to settle in order to provide for their needs. It is based on truth for many people, including what I percieve as a truth for my own father who retired from flying airplanes to take a desk job he has never seemed too passionate about (yet has worked hard at ever since). Observing this throughout my childhood I think the idea has remained in my own consciousness. 

The un/learning comes with a realization that these project ideas I have do not need to be seen as separate from - and therefore threatened by - the presence of dependent (and expensive) children. They should be seen as one in the same, as they are. In fact at the very core of this work is the need to prepare the next generation for whatever is to come, and to leave behind an opportunity for them to enjoy their lives and be well. That idea was there before, but as I listen to the heartbeat of my first child it is becoming very real and relavent. 

The challenge with this is of course is in the economics, as well as with the intensified social pressure one experiences once children are brought into the picture. Everyone who has had them has an idea of how to raise and educate them. As I see it I must integrate and filter, asking: what ideas are still relavent? what ideas are obsolete? how are they influenced by the patrix? 

I anticipate a profound amplification of un/learning as new life is brought into our family. I feel very up to the challenge and incredibly excited for this transformative experience. 

I had a great conversation with my adviser Liam today. An un/learning moment occured as I was explaining my first project and all the complexities that it will entail. I was telling him about my desire to learn everything, from GIS mapping to keyline design and various other fairly technical trades, and how I was realizing that I just don't have time to learn everything I'd like to. 

The un/learning came as I acknowledged that in one lifetime one cannot master it all. So we began to discuss how I saw myself fitting into what was happening. Within a project of this size there are so many areas that will require specialized skills and knowledge. Even if I were to acquire basic abilities in these areas, thereby increasing my self-sufficiency, it would not be enough. I simply do not have the time, the energy, or perhaps even the capacity to so do to the level that will bring about a truly amazing result. 

Liam helped me to see that I must accept this and that to be most effective I must decide where my passions and strengths fit within the project. As a person geared more toward the big picture, pattern recognition, organizing and relationships, my role as the designer can consist of a large amount of delegation. I can't do it all and I don't have to. I can make connections, float between elements, observing and gaining basic understandings while picking a choosing the elements I'd like to advance in as time allows.

This un/learning has eased quite a bit of anxiety and the overwhelming sense I had about all that needed to be done here. The people that can help me implement my ideas are here, and as a designer I can reside in a more nuclear position helping to guide resources efficiently and exectute the strategic framework of the process.   

I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and as sometimes happens I had a moment of clarity and had to jot something down. This was simply "mutual benefit, pride". Fortunately I can recall what I was referring to. 

It was an un/learning moment regarding an issue that I've been trying to work out and settle in my perspective. First of all, I grew up in a culture (and with parents) who put a strong emphasis on the idea that a man should make his own way and must pay his own dues. In many ways I highly value this part of my upbringing and it has given me the strength and courage to go out into the world and take risks others would be hesitant to take. 

One amazing thing that happens when you spend a significant amount of time in another culture (going on 5 years for me now in Chile) is a deepening understand of your own. The ability to contrast on a profound level uncovers all sorts of wonders that somehow where taken for granted without a point of reference. 

The culture here in Latin America is a bit different in the sense described above. There is far less of an emphasis on individual trail-blazing and far more on family. One important thing that has happened over the past few years for me is the formation of strong bonds with my wife's family, and they have taken me in as one of their own and helped me out in so many significant ways. I've observed guilt rearing its ugly head, sent forth by my past that tells me I should be ashamed to allow this at my age. It is Pride, a pride that is very accepted and even outright promoted in that culture. And in some ways I can sense the judgement from that side now as I choose to accept the support I'm being offered. 

One of the ideas I've been centered on in my problem solving mind is that of relationship based on mutual benefit. I've begun to see this as the key for the surviving and thriving of any species on Earth. The big AHA un/learning moment occured as a realization that this happens somewhere in the middle of these two ideas, these two cultures. Too far to one side and my pride prevents me from accepting what's being offered, too far to the other and I lose my focus on what I am offering in return. 

So in my situation and with all the blessings I have received I'm becoming conscious of what I can offer back to those that have helped me so much. I realize many of them are already happening now. Things like helping to bring people back together, a commitment to stewardship, and last but not least my presence of mind, my ability to listen and to share. I aim to remain conscious of this mutually beneficial relationship, always nuturing it and feeding it, looking to create it everywhere I can, and always striving to keep it in a state of balance with its other half.