Output Package 6--Learning Review: Commentary

Welcome to the commentary section of my Output Package 6; also known as my Learning Review. The purpose of this document is to share the projects that I have pursued since enrolling with Gaia U and convey some of the most important aspects I have learned about myself and the world in which I live.  It serves as a portal through which the reader can easily learn about, and visit my previous output packages.  The tab that you are on now is the commentary section and serves as a behind the scenes look at my entire cycle with Gaia University, including the creation of this final output package.  In it, I tell the story of my journey with Gaia University and reflect on the key life lessons, un-learnings, and newly acquired perspectives.  

In the tab labeled "Core Report"  you will find a summary of each project and output package that I have created since enrolling with Gaia University in the Fall of 2010, along with key learnings, reflections, and outcomes.  A more detailed description can be found in the "introduction" section of that page.

Lastly, the third tab of this document, labeled "Supporting Evidence" contains a cumulative list of resources that I used while on my pathway with Gaia, along with other notes, and journal entries that are relevant to this Learning Review.

To navigate this document, you can skip to the "Core Report" to get the most concise version of my projects, outcomes, and reflections, or you may read through the tabs in the order presented for the full version including back story and supporting evidence.  

In the Winter and Spring of 2013, I submitted my 5th and 6th output packages hoping to meet the requirements for earning a Master's Degree with Gaia University.  It was a big cycle of completion for me because in addition to finishing Gaia (so I thought) my family was also in the process of concluding a cycle of 6 years living at the intentional community, Sunrise Ranch.  I used the core report of my original Learning Review to give a final presentation to my community and to share with them, in a formal way, the journey that we had been on together.  The bulk of my project work with Gaia had focused on building programs at Sunrise Ranch.  

 However, upon reviewing the feed-back I received from my adviser, it became clear that my work had not yet met the standard for Master's Level Integrative Eco-Social Design.  I was asked to do one more project, then update my learning review to reflect my cumulative learnings and unlearnings.  I took a series of leave and pause months while my family figured out where we were going to live and what I was going to do for work.  It wasn't until a year and a half later that I finally reengaged with Gaia.  

During that transition, it was difficult for me to reestablish my focus.  So much of my learning intention and pathway design was oriented toward building programs at Sunrise Ranch, that when I left the Ranch, I felt a big void in my relationship to my project work and goals.

I had to find a new source of motivation--and I did.  I made a promise to myself that my final project was not only going to satisfy my Gaia U requirements, but it was also going to aid in building my career.  I realized that I needed to get a return on my investment.  I needed the final push in obtaining my Master's degree to also get me a job. 

Though it took me a while to get focused (in one conversation that I had with my adviser during this transition period, I told her I wanted to become a public speaker, japanese teacher, and math tutor, oh and juggling entertainer, and some how tie all these interests into my final project while simultaneously building a career out of it), my true pathway eventually emerged.  

Opportunities to design and build gardens for friends evolved into bigger projects and the final project that I decided to focus on for Gaia was to document one of these landscaping projects and at the same time start a new business.  This project ended up replacing my original OP5 in my portfolio page and is called The Establishment of Padden Permaculture (a link to my original OP5 can be found in the supporting evidence tab of this document) 

Once that output package was complete, my next task was to update my existing OP6.  This was a very challenging thing to do because I had grown and changed so much since the first time I composed my learning review, prior to leaving Sunrise Ranch.  I have nearly re-worked my entire Learning Review to more accurately reflect the impact that the process of earning this Master's Degree has had on me.  Essentially, this OP6-Learning Review has been created at two distinct points in time:  the first is in the Spring of 2013 and the second has been in November of 2014.  

The timeline below highlights some significant points over the past 7 years and indicates which output package they are associated with. 

When I first considered enrolling with Gaia University, one of the factors that drew me to the program was the potential to pursue an accelerated pathway.  I was on a tight budget and had recently become a new father so it was a goal of mine to attain my masters degree as quickly and as economically as possible, so the prospect of completing my program in one year instead of two was very appealing.  I began my pathway in the fall of 2011 with a strong start and after completing my 4th output package that following Summer, I petitioned for acceleration.  

Though I was accepted for acceleration, I was unable to keep up the same pace I began my program with and started taking pause months to manage my pathway.  At first I felt a bit embarrassed having made a big deal about wanting to finish my program sooner than average but failing to deliver, but my adviser at the time, Valerie, was supportive and assured me that there was no shame in taking pause months--in fact Gaia U encourages conscious flexibility.  My initial decision to go on pause was more reactive than proactive.  I noticed that I wasn't going to be able to meet my self imposed deadlines and treated the pause months as a sort of extension to my due dates.  

Eventually, I came off pause to submit my op 5 and 6 and thought that I had reached the end of my pathway, only to learn, my portfolio was not yet up to the Master's level standard and needed to make some major additions.  At this point, I consciously went on leave from Gaia U.  I had a strong desire to finish my program, however many things in my life were in transition and choosing to go on leave was a way for me to put Gaia out of my life for a while without letting go of the progress and investment that I had made, while I tended to important areas of my life.  

 In the late Fall of 2014, I came off of leave for three more active months to resubmit my op 5 and to update my op 6 and ultimately finish my work with Gaia U.  

What I learned about time management throughout my cycle with Gaia University is that my ambition exceeds my capacity with regards to what I can get done within a given period of time.  This is why I petitioned to accelerate but didn't meet my initial goals; it is why I would often set a goal of submitting something in one month but take 3 to fully complete it; and it is why many times throughout my cycle, I would stay up late the nights leading up to a deadline and often pull an all-nighter the night before an important deadline.  I recognized this pattern and began designing for it by clearing my calendar the days leading up to a deadline or by scheduling a rehabilitation day the day after a deadline to rest and recover after a binge of Gaia work.  In a certain sense it was a sort of designed procrastination--primarily because I came to learn that the pressure of completion was my most effective motivator.  

However, just because I have noticed this pattern and come to design around it, does not mean that it serves me well.  In fact, I know it does not serve me well.  The stress that I put on myself and my family is not reduced by simply clearing my calendar the days leading up to a deadline because it leaves no room for spontaneous acts of necessary fathering, or husbanding; things always seem to pop up and I am rarely able to focus the allotted amount of time solely on Gaia work.  Moreover, my recovery day never seems to be the relaxing, day of rest that I envision it to be.  Rather it is a day when I am strung out and on edge with my wife and kids.  

(See "Pathway Management, Original Ending" in my supporting evidence section to see the first draft of this section)

Below is the edited version:

For me, the solution lies in a  renewed sense of discipline.  In the past, I would allow my emotions to guide much of my decision making.  I valued acting on impulse and going with the flow.   For example it was not unusual for a two hour block that I dedicated to Gaia work to be interrupted by a phone call, email, or other distractions.  My logical decision making conscious was often trumped by my emotional decision making conscious.  In other words my rational mind was aware that I should not be chatting to an old friend on Skype but because my heart sought friendship and connection, I would willingly sacrifice academic productivity.  Sometimes this quality of being able to follow one's heart is a desired characteristic however, in my personal case, I recognize an imbalance and desire to bring more discipline into my life.

 Bringing these opposing forces (what feels right vs. what I know is right) into balance is becoming  increasingly important as I embark upon my new business because one of the primary products I am selling to clients is my time.  If I am going to promise 4 hours of design work to a client, I want to be able to reliably schedule that into my calendar with confidence that at the end of that time, I accomplished what I set out to do.  

My strategy for bringing this aspect of my life into balance is two fold.  The first is to practice more conscious design of my work environment.  This includes designing a time and space where my family wont interrupt me, turning off my phone, logging out of email and face book, and creating more detailed daily schedules that include hour by hour goals within a given period of work.  (I realize that many of these skills were even presented to me by Dave Shaw and Jennifer English during my orientation at RDI in October of 2011 during a session called "getting things done"  but only now am I realizing my personal need to flex these skills.) 

The second part of my strategy for bringing more discipline into my life is of a spiritual nature.  My pattern of lacking discipline is larger than simply being unproductive during allotted work time.  It extends into my world in the form of forgetfulness--forgetting to hang my jacket up, forgetting to turn off the oven after I bake, forgetting to renew or return library books--and it also manifests in the form of addiction.  My pattern of lacking discipline cannot be solved by simply designing my environment better.  This is why the second part of my strategy is of a spiritual nature.  I need my new pattern to penetrate my entire life and I know that this can only come about by changing myself.  I also know that for me, personal change comes about only when something shifts deep inside me.  To access this deep place inside myself, I must find a quiet and sacred place of prayer and meditation--and not just for a moment, or a day, but I must sustain this connection and build it into my lifestyle in order for any shift (in my case the shift is toward a place of increased disciplined action) to take root.  Therefore I am recommitting to a spiritual practice that I know has the potential to open up the gates to that quiet and sacred place of prayer and meditation.  It is the practice of Shabbat.  Though I am not Jewish or Christian, I find the practice of bringing one's work to completion each week and spending a day in prayer to be an effective personal spiritual practice.  There are other details surrounding how I personally prepare for and spend my Shabbat, but for this purpose I find it sufficient to conclude with this summary:  By consciously increasing my discipline around my personal spiritual practice, I will deepen my relationship with the practice of discipline itself.  This will provide me with a stronger and more meaningful foundation and will equip me with a renewed sense of guidance as I make decisions in the future.  Specifically decisions about how I spend my time.  

My transition away from Sunrise Ranch was not an easy one.  Primarily because we left on an adventure (in a 78’ Dodge motor home), and did not have a plan for our return. The adventure itself was great and was no doubt a wonderful experience for kids as well.  We saw the country and met new friends.  Our return was difficult however.  We knew we wanted to return to Fort Collins but we did not have a home or work lined up.  For the first few months while Josiah (my 8 year old stepson) started school, our family continued to live out of our camper while Stephanie and I both searched for jobs.

As our savings dwindled, the pressure to earn money became stronger and I needed to take whatever jobs I could get.  It was a very humbling experience, as a college educated person with a background in something I felt was so important to humanity (permaculture an food production), to work those first few jobs.  Moreover, a big part of my spirit longed for the comfort and status that I once had at Sunrise Ranch.   Here is an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote in January of 2014:

“A great wind has blown this seed into a new environment.  Unfamiliar surroundings cause me to question my new found soil.  Where am I?  How did I get here? Why am I here? Where is my direction?  What is my purpose?  How vulnerable an un-germinated seed must feel--helpless and at the mercy of the elements.  “Oh, how I could thrive back where I was, in a previous life;” I think to myself, yearning for the difficulty of newness to be remedied.  Memories of past plant-hood, strong roots, elevated bio-mass stretching toward the sun, bring shame to my small, bare, hard shell of a self.   There I knew who and what I was.  I had identity; I had purpose; I had life. 

Rolling, blowing, flowing, getting eaten and shat, knocked around by the world around me, I look at myself and no longer see the plant I once was.  I see my seed self and am frustrated by my passivity.  No roots, no stems, no structure—no way to compose my reality; just a plain ole’ seed.”

The slideshow below is an illustrated summary of this transition.

 The process of creating this output package began with an Xmind mind map.  I used the mind map to help me prioritize my goals and organize the elements that I knew I wanted to share.  One of the prominent goals that I held was to push my edge of conscious output package design.  Many of my previous output packages followed a similar patchwork design but for this OP, I was intent on exercising some of the new design skills that I had picked up along my pathway.  Mind mapping being one of them.  

I wanted this output package to satisfy my Gaia U requirements, but I also wanted to fully capitalize on the opportunity to gather a professional as well as academic portfolio.  I did a lot of brainstorming about who would be viewing my portfolio, how they would access it, and for what purposes they would be viewing it.  I concluded that one of the primary design goals I wanted to achieve was to create a portfolio that potential clients of my new business could brows.  I identified two categories of potential clients.  The first category includes homeowners, property owners, farmers, and communities who may be seeking permaculture design or installation services.  The second category includes intentional communities, community organizers, and universities who may be seeking my services as a teacher or keynote speaker.  

As a result of this brainstorming around organizing my portfolio, I decided that I was going to have two primary access points.  The first was going to be my Mahara Portfolio page.  This page would be primarily for academic and pro advisers to access my output packages.  I decided to break it up into three sections:  1. Life Review, where I included my updated C.V and OP1A; 2. Projects, where I included a list of OP2-5, and 3. Pathway Design and Reflection, where I included my OP1B and my OP6.  Organizing my portfolio in this way made me realize that it is primarily the project work that I desired to share with my potential market.  Thus, I decided that my business website was going to serve as a separate portfolio--one where I could organize my projects in a way that separates my permaculture projects (which would be of interest to that first category of potential clients) from my educational services, which would be of interest to the second category of clients.  

In summary, getting organized with the presentation of my Gaia U portfolio, greatly assisted me in getting organized with my professional portfolio.  One specific design strategy that became a theme for organizing my work was the concept of utilizing portals that opened up to greater depths.  I wanted to make my project work accessible to a wide range of people without overwhelming them with content.  The image of a fractal pyramid came to me:  this would allow a person access to the depths of my project work while being presented with only a few choices at a time.  This model also works as a filter for people who want to access certain content but not other content.  I applied this organizational model to the design of my business website, which, when taken as a whole, acts as a big portfolio. 

The timing of this final push with Gaia was also very consciously designed.  I worked a big project and saved up enough money to take a month and a half off of work to focus on completion of my Gaia U requirements.  I am happy to report that have completed everything I set out to do within the time frame I allowed myself.  

Below is a picture and a link to download the mind map I created, and below that is an illustration that aided in my visualization of the fractal pyramid portal organizational strategy.

Unexpected Skill Acquisition

Due to the way the TALC modules fit into my pathway, as well as the way I managed the activity of completing the associated assignments, I found myself in a unique relationship to the XMind software.  Since I waited to do the assignments until the very end of my pathway, I didn’t realize what exactly they entailed.  When I first realized that I was required to learn a new program (XMind mind mapping software) I was a bit overwhelmed and frustrated because I didn’t want to take the time to push through the learning curve.  However, my motivation to complete the assignments prevailed and I did what it took to learn the program—not at a high level of proficiency by any means, but enough to plot out the general context of the readings—as was required. 

Interestingly, as I sat down to update my op 6, I realized the need for some serious organization and when, in the past, I would typically take out a pen and paper or sketch something out in my journal, I found myself drawn to the XMind program for the ease of use and elegance of presentation—not to mention the convenience of bypassing having to scan a journal entry and fuss with the resolution, sloppy appearance etc.  

A key harvest that came out of this process was the identification of a presentation style/strategy that ultimately informed my design strategy for creating my op6.  I conceptualized this design methodology as a pyramid approach.  It integrates a series of upright and pyramids to narrow the access points to various elements of my output package. 

The PoDAPO form and OP review process has been one of the more challenging aspects of my Gaia U academic work.  I feel the process itself is well designed and the PoDAPO form is incredibly thought provoking and for many students this might be one of the more engaging aspects of their work with Gaia university.  What makes the process challenging for me is that I have a tendency to immediately file feedback that I receive into my subconscious, and struggle to consciously access it when the time comes to apply it.  For example, looking back on my pathway I realize that I would typically read through a piece of feedback only once and rarely look at it again.  I am aware of the "wasteful" nature of this pattern.  Feedback is like gold in the learning process and can be utilized to great benefit, but for me I struggled to pan for that gold. Perhaps the reason behind this "wastefulness" is because feedback can sometimes be painful---even if it is truly constructive, and maybe it is because I do not like to face the reflection of my weaknesses or points of improvement more than once.  I would like to think that the feedback is stored, readily available in my sub---consciousness, and accessed and applied when the opportunity presents itself but I think I would be kidding myself to really believe this.  

Another reason that I struggled with the process of receiving feedback (giving feedback came more naturally to me and I feel I was able to contribute to many associates' learning process with my feedback) is because the design of my output packets didn't really incorporate the dynamic assimilation and adjusting to feedback prior to completion.  In my mind, I would complete my op, and the feedback I received was simply someone else's impressions rather than the generous sharpening of my own blades with which to attack it again to make it better.  Quite honestly, I was pretty kaput after submitting an output package and the last thing I wanted to do was re-visit it.  

This is quite ironic because in a certain sense I have been revisiting my op6 for over a year and a half, not on my own volition but because it is being required of me.  Perhaps if I was more attentive to feedback in the first place, I would be more effective in my work.  

Over all, I would rate my incorporation of feedback as poor.  However, I would rate my identification of this new learning edge as fantastic.  I have truly identified a huge learning opportunity, which I may not have realized had I not been asked to specifically write a section on "Giving and Receiving Feedback."  

I am a bit late with this realization to exercise a practical intervention as it relates to my Gaia work, but I do feel like I am poised with a new perspective on the matter to do something different the next time I receive feedback.  Soon, my entire portfolio is going to be reviewed and I am going to receive a great deal of feedback from various individuals.  Many hours of thought and composition will go into that feedback and I can either repeat my old pattern of reading it once and never looking back at it; or I can take the time it deserves and really look at how points of improvement can be applied to future projects and even identify threads that reflect aspects about myself beyond my academic and professional work and into my personal life.  Feedback is like "foodback"  and it is my choice to either eat and allow it to become part of me, or simply waste it.  As I move forward from now, I choose to exercise more consciousness around my ingestion of feedback.