Introduction
I organized this page in coloumns which represent 3 integral aspects of my life and major transformations therein: early life & soul learnings, my musical journey, community & education. Each column flows cornologically by my ages and developmemtal cycles. In reflection upon past experience and review of how and why I have formed to become the being I am today, I find my greatest teachers in life have manifested through my close relationships, not only to my family, friends, and intimate partners, but as well through my relationship to music, nature, and the great interwoven tapestry of creation.
Childhood & Catalina
Raised on the small island of Catalina, off the coast of southern California, in the even smaller town of Avalon, life was relatively comfortable and pleasant. Born a pisces fish on the 14th of March 1991, my early experience of this cozy community nestled on a bay of the Pacific Ocean felt like a dreamlike mini town where 80% of the motor vehicles are golf carts, no buildings are to high to see the tops, and friends were to be found on just about every block. Most of the Island is preserved by the CIC (Catalina Island Conservancy) making it easy to find close communion with the natural world outside of Avalon. I recall feelings of wonder and joy with the memory of walking home from school, foraging paths through bushes and eucalyptus forests along the sides of the road, and on rainy days chasing the rapid flowing rivers of the town's drainage ditches, collecting trash from the dampened banks to proudly feed it to the trash can, returning home soaking wet and filled with adventure.
From birth, until around the age of seven, I lived primarily with my Mother, Susan, a wise guide, artist, friend, and brilliant light in my life who has helped me to grow and learn in love, nourishing the flower of my heart to blossom and bloom. Building tensions between my parents led to their separation at an early stage of my development, Franky, my pirate-poet father, left to work on the mainland when I was about 2 years old. Though my father is a tender, wise, and loving sensitive soul, he turned to drugs and alcohol, attempting to escape and numb the pain of his past. Other than a brief phase of motorcycle riding I went through around age 9, most of the real bonding experience with my father has developed over past 3 years of my life. Through these recent interactions have come even more clarity and gratitude as I see it would not have served my development to be raised with the instability he may well have brought into my life. Aside from judgments of the past, I love my father unconditionally and recognize with honor the positive and beautiful aspects of him that I have inherited in this life.
Mom Meets Packy
I was an only child so I was pretty much the center of attention. I didn't feel like I had much of a father figure in my life so my mother took on that role, as well as acting as a sibling and friend. When I was around 6 years old my mother met Packy, who would later become my stepfather. Up until this point my mother and I lived a relatively modest and simple lifestyle, she worked two jobs to keep us fed and to pay for rent, and on 'pay days' she was able to satisfy my imaginative/tactile cravings for toys and other play things. We weren't an upper class family but neither were we uncomfortable or impoverished. Since Packy was one of the wealthiest men on Catalina, as their relationship developed, our simple life, and playful identity of mother and son, shifted almost overnight. After a few months we moved out of our two bedroom apartment and into Packy's large three story house on a hill overlooking the whole town. The longer this relationship developed, the more disconnected I began to feel from the rest of the community. After a year or so, to the majority of Avalon, I was no longer the cute long haired blond boy Rex, I was 'the rich kid'. Children would tell me that my mother was a 'gold digger' and that "she just wants him for his money". Though I felt in my heart the untruth and injustice of these statements I didn't have the proper coping skills or role models to provide me with support.. This was a difficult number of years in my life, which affected my sense of worth and value. I envied friends with a simple and modest life and felt powerless to create my own identity separate from the projected image that was portrayed by the rest of the community. I found refuge in these challenging times with the comfort of my mother, a few close friends, early intimate relationships and my eventual fascination and identification with the punk rock subculture.
Michigan Summers
We began visiting Packy's summer home in northern Michigan, on a area of land called "The Point" where I was introduced to a community of country clubs, old money families, and cocktail parties. Though the natural beauty of this area was pristine with green forests and magnificent lakes, I felt like an outsider in my relationship to the rest of the community that had been visiting this place since birth. I longed to be with my friends on the hot sun beaches back home on Catalina and I became resentful, feeling like my freedom was being squelched. I felt content when I was able to bring companions with me as I found it hard to relate to most people on The Point. This pattern of unrest continued for many summers until I began to be granted more choice as to how and where I really wanted to spend my summers.
Move Off Catalina & Into The Ark
At age 11 we moved off Catalina to Ojai valley where I would attend 7th grade at a private school spending half the year boarding and the other half as a day student traveling back to Catalina on the weekends. It was difficult to assimilate moving away from the ocean and attending a school that held high academic demands of their students. The next year we relocated Laguna Beach where I would spend the next 5 years of my life. We moved into a Swiss Family Robinson style home, called the Ark, above the beach. It would later become a gathering space for many friends. Finding joy and community through musical collaboration, art, and cosmic thought, I made many close friends in this period, many of who I remain strongly connected with to this day. In 8th grade I began an intimate relationship with a now dear friend, Joanna, that would continue on and off for the next 6 years of my life oscillating dramatically between times of challenge and ease. This relationship was an wonderful teaching in my life that I am incredibly grateful for to this day (see dark night section for more details).
Summer of Illumination
At age 16, in the summer of 2007, I experienced a profound shift in my worldview, identity, and relationship to nature. Illumined with creative inspiration, inner vision, and spiritual awakening, I was exposing myself to alternative art, media, and music while contemplating fundamental questions about reality. I had my first psychotropic experience after ingesting some 200 or so morning glory seeds; running free like a child on the moonlit beaches of Laguna, asking deep questions I hadn't thought of previously, and talking with friends long into the night about life and love. That summer we spent our nights with cannabis, musical co-creation, mystic thought, and communal art, and our days were saturated with the ocean and sun, train and car adventures to other SoCal cities, and long walks through beaches and parks. It was as though a pervasive and prolonged meditation was integrating into every aspect of my life. The potent energy of this pivotal summer intensified to an ecstatic climax, one day in August, when tears of love streamed down my face, my body and vision filled with light, as I danced wildly with blissful abandon, one proclamation sang through my entire being, "I am home! I am home! I am home..."
Dark Night of the Soul
After my major shift in awareness in the summer of 2007, I thought I had it all figured out. Since I had experienced such a pervasive sense of bliss and presence for a period of weeks, I felt like I had learned everything I needed to know in regards to living happily, freely, and peacefully. Reality hit as I entered my junior year of high school, restarted an intimate relationship I had left a few years previous, and allowed unhealthy habitual patterns of the past to resurface. I attempted to give all of my energy and attention to my relationship that was thick with karmic residue, triggering feelings of abandonment and rejection which led to immature communication, emotional turmoil, escapism, familial disharmony, and mental chaos. I felt lost, confused, and ashamed that I couldn't hold on to the heightened emotional states of the past summer. This was the most challenging and transformative time of my life as I delved deep into my shadow to integrate the parts of myself I had not yet held against the full light of consciousness. Although I was unaware of this at the time, this period helped me learn about the importance of honesty and integrity in my relationships. Near the end of this cycle, I could see light on the horizon and began to understand key ingredients to a living a truly happy and holistic life, those being; personal responsibility, acceptance, and integrity.
Music In Early Life
In my early years, my strong willed and incredibly creative mother played acoustic guitar as well as a beautiful red and white Stratocaster electric in a rock band called Dear John, when I was around the age of 4. Her love of music heavily influenced me as a young boy. I remember attending her band practices and being small enough to curl up inside the bass drum, the dim red light gently illuminating the dingy basement, while the band played tunes from Led Zeppelin, Cream, Black Sabbath and other classic rock groups. (No wonder the song 'Sunshine of Your Love' evokes such strong sonic nostalgia). I was constantly singing and dancing as a child, whether it was The Doors blasting through the living room stereo, Sublime in the shower, or the Elephant Song from the Jungle Book, my life was immersed in music.
Pop Shock to Punk Rock
As I began watching more television, the seductive allure of mainstream media and ego-saturated pop culture slowly seeped into my sponge-like mind. In 3rd grade my friend introduced me to boy bands and other teen pop sensations. This phase didn't last long though, as bands like Limp Bizkit, Korn, and Linkin Park hit the scene I became more attracted to the bad boy image they were selling, along with their loud and stimulating electric sound. One Halloween, my mother convinced me to dress as Sid Viscous (bass player of the UK punk rock sensation sex pistols). The image offered me an illusion of invulnerability, attracting the wounded child in me that felt powerless. I began to buy punk rock albums and clothes and quickly became obsessed with this rebellious image and sub-culture. This phase lasted about 5 years between the ages of 9 and 14 until finally burning out and beginning to expand my musical horizons.
Music In High School
My musical preferences shifted toward mainly psychedelic and 60's rock in my sophomore year of high school, coming full circle to again appreciate the style of music I was raised on. I also began to appreciate genres of underground hip-hop, metal, and electronic. I started three bands within a period of six months, which reflected my shifting identity and ungrounded energy. The first, Electric Love Machine, was largely inspired by the 60's psych revival group The Brian Jonestown Massacre, a band I idolized for some time in high school. The second was a fast paced grungy garage/punk band with blasting electric guitar, high pitch keyboard, and simple pounding rhythms called, Supersonic EEL, playing largely off the arrangement and sound of a band called Coachwhips. After uniting with dear friend and incredible artist/drummer Justin, near the end of my sophomore year, together we started a band titled She Sells Sea Shells. This was the most successful of the three bands created as we developed our own sound not totally absorbed from extraneous musical sources, taking the form of a two piece garage/surf-punk psychedelic blues groove duo. The energy was really magical when Justin and I played together, totally synchronized and inspired, free from limitations based on what we thought people wanted to hear, and inspired by what really felt good to play in the moment.
∞Jam∞ with Thomas & Justin
Para Vach - River Chant
Sonic Transitions
In my last year of high school I turned my musical focus toward sound healing and poetic soul song affirmations infused with psychedelic blues & surf-rock rhythms. An earlier band (She Sells Sea Shells) evolved into Para Vach (meaning first source) after more friends joined and the instrumentation arrangement shifted. The members were Justin on drums, a dear friend Thomas on bass, and myself on electric guitar. The connection between the three of us musically was and continues to be incredibly cosmic whenever we join for a jam. I recognize now that my controlling tendencies did not allow full space for Thomas’ songs to be equally honored in the band. Yet, Para Vach was my most personally fulfilling endeavor playing in a band. I still feel so connected to what we created and the potential for future co-creation.
In 2010 I started another group, Ecstatic Union, to play shows across Calirfornia with a band from Wales (Heal the Last Stand) that I hosted at my home for the summer. Ecstatic Union focused primarily on acoustic melodies and vocal harmonies. This band didn’t materialize to its full potential due to inconsistent membership, rushing our musical process to accommodate an approaching tour schedule and altering our style to better suit Heal’s sound. Since this time I have learned not to force my creative flow and to work on musical projects as they are inspired from my heart.
Ecstatic Union
Music of Now
My most recent musical inspirations have developed through my ever-deepening connection with the earth, my sweet partner Mallika, spirit, and my own heart. I love working with children and hold a vision of doing so with music and art. I would love to create a compilation of songs specialized for children that inspire community, nature/spirit connection, and internal reflection. While focusing my intention on developing and sharing music that nourishes and opens the heart, my sonic development is an ever-evolving experience of expansion, co-creation, and integration. Here is a link to some recent sound explorations. http://soundcloud.com/galacticsunshine
1st Outward Bound Excursion
When I was 14 I began experimenting with cannabis and became fascinated with the effects it had on my consciousness. My love of music expanded. Colors were brighter, sounds more acute, and sensations more alive than ever before. As I hid my relationship with the herb from my parents, and specifically my mother, my use with it became more deviant and abusive. I began to lie, steal money, and fall out of touch with my academic and creative life as I allowed all of my thought to be consumed with buying, selling, and smoking cannabis. I was caught three times before my mother finally drew the line and decided to enroll me in a two week summer program with Outtward Bound Wilderness. When the time came to face my fate, I flew to Montana, met my travel group, and began a two week journey of group co-operation, illumination, challenge, and joy, deep in the pristine mountains and meadows of Mother earth. During this physically demanding, mentally strengthening, and emotionally insightful adventure, I made strong unexpected friendships, found awe in the immaculate beauty of untouched nature, and felt deeply humbled as I reflected upon the many blessings of my life. I returned home with a deepened sense of accomplishment, personal responsibility, expanded awareness, and most all gratitude. After this experience, even the comforts of a warm meal and soft bed felt like a luxury.
2nd Outward Bound & Future Visions
When I was 17, nearing the conclusion of my junior year in high school, I was riding the tail end of my shadow journey through dysfunctional relationships, depression, emotional escapism, and deep subconscious longing for spiritual union and experience. High-tension arguments with my mother escalated, until hitting a climax when my recent ex-girlfriend, Joanna, passively informed her through a text message that I was experimenting with LSD. Overwhelmed and shocked by this discovery, my mother made plans to schedule my second Outward Bound Wilderness experience, this time for a month, canoeing through the boundary waters of Minnesota and Canada. With the memory of how positive and grounding my previous adventure with Outward Bound was, I became determined to receive the utmost benefit from this upcoming journey into the deep and healing communion I would soon share with nature. This time around, I took on a willing and mature leadership role within the group, acting as a motivator and guide. Also, the program differed in that this was an, 'Intercept' course, which focused more on reflecting and correcting unhealthy behavior patterns for a more harmonious social life and familial relationship. I excelled through the course, feeling a strong energy of brotherhood and mental peace in nature, feeling free as we paddled for three weeks through hundreds of miles of pure water lakes and rivers in the warm embrace of mother earth. The most potent memory from this journey was when we returned to "homeplace" (OB community, work, and faculty living facility) for recuperation, service work, and family conferences to conclude our final week of the program. I felt an incredible sense of peace as we rested in the green grass outside the main dining hall, filled with gratitude to be welcomed by others who recognized that we had completed a long and rigorous wilderness initiation. With subtlety and swiftness, a future vision descended into my awareness. A beautiful sanctuary, immersed in nature, youth returning from initiation in the wild, a loving community welcoming their arrival, a holistic living school focused on the art and science of life while living in harmony with community and the natural world. I carry this vision in my heart today and feel that it is a fruit ever ripening, gained from my 2nd Outward Bound experience of leadership, determination, communication, and initiation.
Independent Study & Discovering Naropa
Returning to Laguna after my second Outward Bound initiation, Joanna and I harmoniously rekindled our relationship, our ark community expanded to include a larger sphere of friends, and I began independent study with a program called 'Access' for my senior year of high school. This independent study system felt so resonant, as I had time to meditate, focus on musical creation, research alternative healing modalities, travel (including an amazing trip to Peru) and read books that stimulated and inspired me to aspire towards my fullest potential. The academic demand and requirements for a diploma through Access were laughably simple, and I joyfully and willingly jumped through the final hoops of standardized education. Over the course of this year I attended seminars and workshops focused on energy-work and shamanic healing. I became certified as a pranic breath-work facilitator, level 1 theta healer, and was granted a sound healer certification by the Globe Sound and Consciousness Institute/ after a two week intensive in San Francisco. One winter night in 2008, while in the rocky mountains of Colorado, while browsing the internet, my mother stumbled upon a website for a college in Boulder called Naropa University, which specialized in contemplative studies and activist inspired education. It was the only school I applied for, was accepted, and enrolled in August of 2009. I then began a two year educational journey of spiritual insight, learning with community, contemplation, meditation, eastern philosophy, and embodied practice.
Naropa & Boulder Community
My two-year dance with Naropa was academically inspiring, mentally stimulating, and spiritually fulfilling. I had never felt so resonant with a style of education or learning community such as this one. I was actively engaged like never before and excelled with joy and integrity in all of my classes. I took contemplative seminar, spirituality & creative expression, music improvisation, afro pop ensemble, yoga meditation, tai chi, classical indian raga, and Afro-Brazilian dance. In the beginning I primarily focused on music and core curriculum, later shifting towards eastern studies, diving deep into the yogic lineage of history, philosophy, and practice. After my second semester, during the summer of 2010, Joanna and I swiftly and dramatically brought our 5 year on and off relationship to a close, completing a challenging and beautiful cycle of partnership, exploration, and profound learning in my life. A rush of freedom and expansion filled my life in that summer, as I eagerly awaited the return to my second year at Naropa, where new friendships and unexpected surprises awaited me. I began organizing community gatherings entitled “Gatherkin – “Boulder Community Network” where students would share art, music, visions, and intentions with a focus on co-creating thriving community. After two more semesters and a life-changing stay on the island of Kauai, my journey with Naropa came to a close. Although Naropa specializes in contemplative studies and allowed me to develop new skills and relationships, I no longer felt like I was being nourished by the curriculum, running my life by the clock, and writing papers to prove my understanding of the material. I attended an 'Awakening the Dreamer symposium' around my 20th birthday which shifted my focus towards action oriented study, began researching intentional communities, and felt the urge to deeply commune with the heart of mother earth, far from Boulder, on the most remote island on the globe, Kauai.
Kauai Ohana & Summer 2011
I flew to Kauai with strong inner/outer intuitive guidance for the month of December in 2010, where a community (known as zero one) with which I felt a deep love and soul connection quickly welcomed me. I was determined to return in the summer, which I did, and stayed for two months with community and my close companion Kevin, swimming in the ocean and rivers, camping, connecting, and envisioning ways to help awaken humanity to its fullest potential.
After traveling on the mainland and attending various festivals and workshops, I visited northern Michigan for a family gathering. During this time I began tuning into the work of Martin Prechtel, a Mayan shaman, and felt a deep connection to the energy transmitted through his teachings and stories. A major theme of this work is the inextricable relationship between grief and praise, which I felt intensely during the two weeks I spent in Michigan, weeping in the forest with abounding gratitude for the love that pervades this sacred life and immense grief for the great spell of forgetfulness and disconnection to the earth and one another that the majority of humanity has grown accustom. I felt the most comfort and peace when taking care of children (my young cousins) and resting in the forest sanctuary of Mother Earth where I would sing and weep, healing and honoring the wounds of my past with every tear that fell from my face. I felt distant from a community where I could share my experience during this time until synchronicity and my heart guided me to attend a seminar with author/Buddhist scholar Joanna Macy and youth activist collective, Generation Waking Up at Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California. In this climactic five day period of delving deep into Macy's body of work known as “The Work That Reconnects”, I experienced deep community connection, was recognized for my gifts and talents, gained a depend sense of purpose and personal power.
fall 2011-Mid 2012
The last eight months have been a whirlwind adventure of travel, learning, and love. I spent a month with my mother and a tour group in Asia, traveling between Nepal, Tibet, Bhutan, and Thailand, which was a rich cultural experience. I returned to the US and immediately traveled north to reunite and begin a blossoming love relationship with my sweetheart (now wonderful friend), Mallika in Oakland. We attended the Bioneers conference where I began making my first connections with Gaia U faculty. I completed my Permaculture Design Certificate course with Common Circle Education in the SF bay area, participated in a Dancing Freedom facilitator intensive, attended Nassim Haramein's delegate training program in Maui, all the while learning and growing from my relationship with my close companion and Gaia U guild buddy, Mallika. We are now living and working together on a farm in the beloved embrace of Mama Kauai. I am working on finishing a music album of soul songs I have written in recent times, while focusing on integrating my studies with Gaia U and extending my service to life through volunteering with local non-profit organizations and community projects. Update: Album now finished, transition to beautiful friendship with Mallika, and now opening further to the ever expansive presence of the now moment as I channel my gifts to share wih the world :) Thank you for reading.
Comments
Rex Costello
23 May 2012, 2:37
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David Shaw
29 May 2012, 12:40
Hi Rex, good job with this!
Erik Wells-Hanson
07 June 2012, 1:48
Hi Rex! Finally had an evening, after putting the kids to bed, where I could sit quietly with you Life and Career Review. First, well done. Age being truly irrelevent, I am nonetheless, very impressed by your apptitude for conscious reflection. It is something you have been doing from a very young age. The fact that you have spent a lot of time with yourself, working with systems of disunity (etc.) and healing really comes through your writing. I am grateful for having been assigned as your "peer review partner." Thank you for your transparency as a person and with your writing.
Erik Wells-Hanson
07 June 2012, 2:31
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David Shaw
02 July 2012, 19:41
Hi Rex, Here are my reviews. Great work!
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Rex Costello
26 February 2015, 21:06
My peer review for Erik :)
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