Soul Searching/ The Recent and Now

It was the summer of 2010 I just finished up my second year of University and was living in downtown Madison.  One day I decided that I didn’t want to be there anymore and moved all my belongings to my mother’s house and flew out to California to visit one of my best friends for a few weeks to clear my head.  When I returned home, the boy I had been into (for years) asked me to move out to California with him.  He had been living out there for a couple of months now and I had kind of figured that when he left it was the end of us- but really it was only the beginning.  I think it was a matter of 3 days I had been home and then back on a plane with a bag full of my most valued belongings, leaving everything else behind.  I was excited and nervous. Moving to California was such a spontaneous action on my end.  My parents were incredibly unhappy with my decision.  I still don’t know if it was because I was dropping out of school or because I was going since a boy had asked me to.  California is roughly 2,500 miles away from Wisconsin, 37 hours away from my family and friends.    We moved into a little one bedroom in Arcata in Northern California.  It’s a cute little town nestled right on the coast, and the home of Humboldt State University.  It was simply breathtaking to be surrounded by redwood trees and the ocean, I felt blessed.  I also thought it was unique that they were franchise-free and supported only local businesses.   My first steps into California were consumed by work.  We would work very long days 8am-2am most of the time.  It was exhausting.  All work and very little play was definitely taking a toll on my desire to be out there.  I hadn’t made any friends and the boy would leave for a week or so at a time to go work in the mountains. Eventually I witnessed this pattern of unhappiness unfolding but I kept putting a veil over it because I wanted to be there, but for all the wrong reasons.  I wasn’t focused on my happiness I was focused on his.  Finally, I gained something resembling gumption and stated I wasn’t happy and truth is he wasn’t either.  That’s when I realized that you can’t live your life according to someone else’s plans or vision.  You need to do what YOU want, and embrace it.

I just arrived for my interim job as a Naturalist with the University of WI-Extension program at Upham Woods Outdoor Learning Center. The Upham Sisters donated it to the state of Wisconsin in 1941 and their mission was to have a place dedicated to 4-h and the environmental advocacy for youth. Working at Upham Woods has unearthed a lot of memories I am fond of from my childhood days.  It’s also magnifying any discrepancies I have harbored on communal living in your work environment. Being a naturalist in California was way different than being a Naturalist here in Wisconsin, I definitely appeared to be an amateur.  On the first day we went hiking at Devil’s Lake State Park.  I used to come here all the time with my friends, figured I knew the trails and also proudly knew that there was a Great Blue Heron rookery.   As we were walking around, my boss stops us and points out a plant.  He simply asks, “What is this?” a fellow coworker, without even a look replies, “Vaccinium corymbosum”.  Okay, so maybe he took one look at the plant before answering, but still I was in awe. I could feel my ego being unearthed, ‘What did you get yourself into?  You clearly are…’ “That is correct!” My boss enthusiastically added on, interrupting my thoughts. I felt my throat swell up as I smiled and swallowed my dignity, suddenly I felt like an amateur. As they continued to hike onward, I stopped and looked at the plant a little closer.  I sat with it, and studied it.  Then it hit me, “Oh my god, these are wild blueberries!”  I’ve found that it is so easy to underestimate yourself and let your ego get in the way.  The truth is we are all going to have our own way of learning in the right time frame. Right now, I am living in a town called Stevens Point, Wisconsin.  I moved here in the beginning of November and it’s almost surreal that I have been here a little over a month so far.  I have been fortunate enough to stay with some family until I can move into my apartment this week.  When I first moved here I was only working one job as a Line Therapist for children who have autism.  As of a few days ago though I was offered another job at the University’s Child Care center as an Assistant Pre-school teacher in the 2/3 year old room which is a reggio emelia approach.  I am excited for this next step in my life.